I did it. I clicked the “Post” button on Facebook. It was not about politics or religion. It was not my opinion on a current event or a debate. I, Orly Margulis, shared a post promoting my other blog Jewtina Eats.
It only took me three weeks to gather the courage to do so, and after I did I felt relieved. I felt this sense of accomplishment because I faced my fear of getting negative comments or people speaking negatively about me. Instead, I got a few follows and comments encouraging me to share more of my posts.
That day, I was brave. I was not fearless, but I was brave.
The difference relies on more than just the literal meaning. Being fearless means to not be afraid, and I have never met someone who is not afraid. Being brave, on the other hand, means to be afraid, but to go for it anyway. Is to push away those negative feelings and actually focusing on the best outcomes.
So no, I do not believe in being fearless, but in being brave.
What was the last brave thing you did? Comment below
And just like that, we became strangers. We went from knowing each other’s deepest fears and dreams, to not even acknowledging our presence when we bump in the streets.
It was way more painful than a heartbreak; it was like everything I believed was happening between us was not even there. It was like I never truly was myself when I was with you, even if I felt I could be myself when we were together.
But you did it, you sent that message and with that you broke me. You broke what I thought was a great friendship. A message full of hate and judgement, something that a friend should never even think about.
But you did it, you sent that message and with that you broke me. You broke my self-confidence and my self-esteem.
And then, that message made me stronger. I was stronger than I was before. I became the girl I lost a few years back, because I finally learned that I do not need you or anyone like you, that would bring me down.
So thank you for sending that message, and thank you for breaking me. I picked those pieces, and now I am stronger than I was before
How I Decided That I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself
Okay, I am about to get real here. I am not as confident as I should be. Looking back at this past year, a lot of BS went down and as a result, my self-confidence kind of went away. I used to not care what people would think about me, the only opinion that matter was my own. I had short hair, love handles and I was as pale as Snow White. And guess what? I was extremely happy!
Then, some boy drama went down and I felt horrible after that. It was the typical “I like you but you don’t like me back” kind of thing, but that left me with self-esteem issues. I went from being the confident girl that loved everything about her, to start hating the way I looked, talked or felt. Part of me felt hopeless, and part of me felt that I needed to change in order to be accepted.
I started to think on what I could do to lose some weight. Would people like me better if my love handles are gone? Would boys like me better? If boys and people liked me better I would be happier. My mind was rushing with thoughts about it, and nothing would shut it down. I started to run and lift weights every single day, and watch what I was ingesting so I wouldn’t overeat. I had that covered, but then I went to the pool and saw these girls with beautiful tans being happy and joking around. I thought that if I were tanner, people would like me better, and that would make me happier. I started to spend time outside and get tanner. And a tan, skinny girl has to have long hair, so I started watching the weirdest YouTube videos to find the best ways to grow my hair.
And then one day I saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw. I had tan lines, and my skin was radiant and smooth. My stomach was flatter and my legs were leaner. My hair was finally longer, it grew a lot since the last time I cut it, and the color was beautiful. Dominique did a great job doing a natural yet noticeable balayage a couple of months ago!
But I was not happy. I let the opinion of people, especially boys, decide how I felt about myself. I felt that I needed to look a certain way to be accepted. I let the opinion of one boy to make me feel so small and worthless, that I needed to change who I was. I felt I had to look a certain way for this kid to even consider looking my way. I felt I had to look a certain way for a boy to approach me at a party. I felt that, if I looked beautiful people would like me more, and that would bring me happiness.
I am not happy with who I became after one boy rejected me, and I am especially not happy that even if I tried, I let people defined the way I looked or felt. I achieved my goal of losing weight and being tanner and having long hair, but I didn’t achieve happiness.
A few months went by and I kept my running and weight lifting routine. I kept spending time outside in the sun, and my hair is growing enormously lately. But I decided that I will not let anyone affect the way I feel about myself, no matter what I look like. I decided to be the person that used to care more about her own opinion than what others believed. And most importantly, I decided I will not let a boy define my self-worth. I am beautiful, I am smart, and I am worth it. No boy is be “too attractive” , “too cute” or “too smart” for me. I am to be too good for them.
Every single magazine I read has articles that will teach you how to change the way you are, in order to achieve what society defines as “beauty”. I have read articles that told me how to get leaner legs, how to dress myself for a guy to like me, and how to get shinier, longer hair. After reading and reading these magazines, I realized that most of them were damaging my self-esteem. I was more into the articles on how to change my appearance than the ones that were more real and genuine. I start feeling that no matter what, these magazines were going to tell me what was wrong with me, and that they will give me a solution to fix these “problems”. And after a while, I realized that I do not have to change who I am or how I look like at all.
I realized that, reading these articles were damaging the way I felt about myself, and I didn’t want that to happen. Why do I need to change my hair, my body, or my clothes in order to fit into society’s definition of beauty.
My hair is mine. My crazy, messy wavy hair is mine. My dark, dull brown hair is mine, and my short, even hair is mine. Why do I need to read articles on how massaging my hair with castor oil will help my hair grow faster? The answer is that I don’t need to. I do not need to change my hair’s color, texture or length in order to please people.
My body is also mine, and I do not owe anyone any type of explanations on why I decided to eat an entire pizza by myself or why I spent three hours in the gym. People’s opinion on my body is none of my business, same as how what I do with my body is none of theirs. What I do with my body is my decision, and I will not change it in order to please people.
This has to do with what I eat and what I don’t. I always read about how certain guys do not like a girl that can eat more than them, or how guys don’t like a girl that can’t eat a hamburger with fries. What I eat is no one’s business, unless you want a bite of my pizza. Then maybe it is your business.
Same goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style. goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style. If you, like many others, express yourself through makeup, then enjoy it. How you wear your makeup, or lack of it, is part of who you are, and you should not change the way you paint your face to please people.
And lastly, I believe you do not need to change your hobbies to please people. If reading a book, hiking mountains, or Netflix and Chill makes you happy, go for it. As long as you do not harm anyone, do what you please.
Whatever you do with your body and mind, do it for yourself. Remember that at the end of the day you have yourself, so be happy with what you have, and change it only if YOU want to.
I remember crying every single night. I would look at myself and hate what I was seeing. I was not happy with who I was because I kept hearing what people thought of me, and I cared about it. After a while, I decided that I didn’t want to cry myself to sleep anymore and that the opinion of others was not going to define me. I knew deep down I was pretty and that I had so much to offer, so why was I letting the people tell me otherwise? My self-confidence depends on me, not on them, right?
I started doing certain things to make myself feel better and more confident, and after a few months I was a person who was in love with herself. If you are feeling like I did, follow these small tips on how to increase your self-esteem, and I promise you, you will love that beautiful face of yours.
Exercise: and not to lose weight, but to be healthier. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. If you feed your body with the right food and exercise regularly, you will feel much better and more self-confident. Plus, you will sleep better at night and there is nothing better than a good night sleep to make you feel better.
Mirror: every time you see yourself in the mirror say one thing that you love about yourself. Try to point a different thing every time and say why you like/love that body part. I used to hate my thighs, so instead of pointing out the size of those, I focused on my eyes or smile.
Compliment people, as well as yourself: this will help you keep a positive mind.
Smile: even if you are faking it, try smiling. Smile in the mirror, smile while you are walking around. or while you watch some TV. Just smile. When you smile you free endorphins , and that will make you feel happier. Also, you will look much prettier!
Never compare yourself to anyone: I once heard that comparison kills joy, and I completely agree. Your beginning cannot be compared to someone’s middle or final, so focus on yourself and your progress as opposed to focusing on what the people around you
Write down positive things of your life. Write about the extra chicken wing the cute waiter put on your plate or the job opportunity you just got. Write the top three good things of your day and you’ll see how happy you’ll be!
Always held your head high: and have a good posture. It will not only make you feel better, but look proud of yourself as well.
Surround yourself with positiveness: post its with cute quotes, a painting that you did, pictures of your friends. Anything that will make you smile when you see it.
And know that no matter what, you are truly beautiful and loved by the people that surround you.
Rapunzel needed the help of prince charming to be freed from the tower and from her mom. Even if a couple of centuries had pass, girls nowadays believe that we need a prince to save us, but instead of a tower we are trapped in our bodies and instead of an evil witch, we want to be freed from our emotions
When I was younger, I believed that society was really screwed. I always hated how society defined beauty. I hated how having the latest phone defines your status. I hated it when a girl wanted a boy to feel completed, to feel stronger. I’ve always believed in girl power, in feminism (even if I didn’t know that word yet).
I’ve watched so many romantic movies, and I’ve read so many YA books that I wanted romance in my life. I liked a boy, and I fantasized about him; how we are going to live in a beautiful house and he will come back from work with his suit on, and I will be an amazing well-known writer. In my fantasies, I was a writer, a hard-worker, and not just someone’s perfect wife.I wanted to find someone who will support me no matter what, but that will see me succeed.
There was a moment in my life that I went through some bad experiences. Really bad ones. I had support of friends and family, but I found out that being my own support is the key to happiness. I was trying to be strong.
.And then, I was strong for so long that I gave up. I stopped thinking about what can I do to feel better, and instead I seek the help of a boy. I became what I feared the most: a damsel in distress.
If I had a bad day, and instead of eating some chocolate and watching FRIENDS, I would call my boyfriend and cry on the phone about whatever had happened that day. I stopped taking care of myself, and I let someone else do that for me. There was a moment that he was not longer a support system, but he was the only person that would save me.
I got used to that, to always need a prince charming to rescue my sorrows. When we ended things, I realized that being in distress was not going to do anything to my situation, and it was time for me to become my own prince charming.
I tried to get up from my bed and take a shower. I tried to eat healthier and go to the gym. I went to parties and to my friends’ apartments. I tried to move on from the bad moments I was going through. I realized that I wanted someone to make me stronger, not to make me someone strong. I was the only one who was capable of making myself smile again, and the only one who could control my emotions.
Having someone supporting me was great, but I never thought of all the people who were there for me, and that’s what made me stronger. Knowing that I can and pushing myself was made me a stronger person.
I realized that I am not a damsel in distress, but my own prince charming.
There are so many articles about confidence. Everywhere I go to I see an opinion about how great certain campaigns (like h&m’s) are great for girls self esteem, and how amazing it is that society is finally accepting every body type.
Every time I read something like this I get extremely happy. As many other people, I struggled with self esteem issues, and often found myself comparing my looks to the ones of girls in the magazines. It was awful feeling not worthless, but that there was always someone prettier out there. And even if i knew there is people that are better at certain things and people that were blesses with better genes, it made me feel awful that someone looked that good in a magazine.
Not only the looks of the models, but the articles that insisted that we have to lose weight, the ones that would tell you how to do your makeup to land the cutie in your chem class. I hated all of that.
I will look at myself in the mirror and see big thighs and extremely messy hair. I will see my big nose and even bigger eyebrows and feel like i needed to change. Magazines and society were telling me that anyways, so why not?
Then, one day I realized I didn’t want to change, just accept who I was. I start looking at the mirror and instead of picking on my insecurities, I will see the good things on my body, and write down the good things in my life.
Soon, I started exercising because that gave me energy and made me feel good. I start loving myself, and people will notice it. They will tell me how happy i looked, and how, for some reason, i got prettier.
I realized that confidence was the difference between me and that girl in the magazine (and well, a few hours of Photoshop work). Accepting who we are, and loving every part of it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.
My birthday was May 2nd and I wanted to share with you things I’ve learned by then. Yes, my birthday was two months ago (happy belated birthday to me!) but it is still accurate. I’ve learned many things throughout my life, and sharing them with people is important to me. These are lessons that are the results of breakups, long nights and moving to a new country, but all of them learned the hard way. 20 things I’ve learned by 20.
People will come and go: and it has nothing to do with you.
Love your body and your hair: nobody is perfect, and most of the people you look up to in a magazine are photoshoped.
Saying no wont make you a b**ch: say no as much as you want.
But saying yes will bring you new opportunities.
It’s okay if you havent been kissed yet: that doesnt define anything
There are good people out there: like the angel of Victoria Secret who gave me a huge discount on underwear.
But really bad people too: like the douche who cut me on the Starbucks line and got the last cake pop.
Read a lot: like a lot! books, magazines, blogs (wink wink). Just read as much as you can.
Be a good friend, always support the ones you love.
People will talk, and judge: so do it anyway. Don’t let people’s opinion define who you are or what you are doing.
Forgive, don’t forget. always remember who hurt you, but don’t hold a grudge. Learn from those experiences.
Your body is yours, your mind is yours, you are yours, so don’t compare yourself to anyone.
Be nice to people: you never know their story.
Go through phases in life, change your routine, and do crazy stuff. unless it is something dangerous or that will hurt you at the end, then just stick to eating pop corn in bed with a huge blanket.
Wear whatever you want: crop tops, short shorts, super long skirts and baggy t-shirts. Express yourself.
If you dress to impress, do it to impress yourself.
Don’t rush into anything: que sera, sera.
Never be someone’s second choice.
A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. You will have Lindsey Lohan/ Amanda Bynes moments and you will have Taylor Swifts moments too.
Always smile, no matter what.
And know that life is a long-a** learning experience. Don’t ever stop trying new things and learning from your past.
You have been through so much change. You used to be so thin, that when puberty hit I got scared. You started changing so much. Bigger hips and thighs, bigger boobs. Everything felt different. I wanted to go back and be thin, but no matter what you kept being the same bigger body.
Then, somehow, you got thinner. Amazing, I know. But I still complained about it. I complained about the size of my thighs and the curliness of my hair. I kept complaining about how big my nose was.
I started exercising, and eating healthier, and you started toning up. I could see the results and it was great. Still, I complained.I have complained a lot. I have called you ugly, fat, not slim enough. I have compared you to other bodies. I have treated you the way you don’t deserve. I fed you bad food, I let you down, and I wanted to change you no matter what.
Body, I am sorry for not loving you when you are truly beautiful. I am sorry for always wanting to change you, and never accepting who you are. I am sorry for not feeding you with good food, and not giving you the care you truly need. For not listening to you when I exercised enough or when you needed to sleep. Sorry for putting a lot of makeup and tanning lotion to cover yourself up,
Body, you are beautiful, not matter the size, color or shape. I love you body, no matter what.
I am a person who is obsessed with planning. I need to know things ahead of time, and plan accordingly around them. I am a person who doesn’t enjoy spontaneous moments that much, but rather have the knowledge of what it is going on.
I had been like that for a long time, but one day I found myself getting out of my comfort zone and doing something I never imagined I would do: I applied for a study abroad program in HAITI.
Let me break it for you so you can have a better understanding on how this worked out.
My English professor thought I had a great writing style and that I should apply for a writing certificate.
I emailed the director of the certificate and schedule and appointment to know how it works and how to apply for it.
I had the meeting Monday, February 23rd. I met with the second in charge of the program, and the director walked in to meet me.
The director mentioned the trip to Haiti, which focuses on writing.
The deadline is Monday, March 2nd. Just a week away.
I applied, without looking into it.
I spent a week in Haiti.
Now, you might be thinking, why did we go to Haiti for a writing program? Well, Haiti is full of amazing writers and we met them, we also visited places that opened up ideas for prompts as well as a source of inspiration for other pieces of writing.
Haiti is a place that still hasn’t recover from the earthquake, and it is a really poor country. The activities we did were focused on writing, but we did some volunteer work too. Ahaji, the director of the study abroad office, has been working hand in hand with the owner and director of an orphanage in Haiti. Love Orphanage is a non-profit that takes care of kids who lost their parents during the quake, and the idea is not precisely to find them a home but make the orphanage their home. We fund-raised money, gather donations and took them to the house, and of course played with the kids.
Tahina and Fabiola were my “buddies” when we went there, and they made my experience in Haiti 10 times better. These two kids received me with open arms and a huge smile on their faces. They wouldn’t let me alone, and even when I wanted to fix my glasses or my -ehem- bra, they will tap on my leg so I could grab their hands again. They are kids that showed me that you can be happy even if you have nothing.
Tahina and Fabiola. The girls who stole my heart and left it in Haiti
We also visited the oldest newspaper in Haiti, went to a Voodoo concert and to the Iron Market. We saw how the locals live, and how Haiti really is. What impressed me the most is how Haiti is portrayed in the media. I blame how scared I was when I finally realized I was going to the media actually. There are beautiful scenes there, and amazing people who are doing everything they can to survive.
Beach at Haiti
I will admit that more than once I cried during the trip. When I said bye to the kids, and when we wrote poems with Haitians even if we had a language barrier. Sometimes it was too frustrating being there, other times I felt hopeless and I wanted to go back to America. The trip was too intensive, and required a lot from us, so crying now and then was understandable. I felt overwhelmed more than once, because everything we were doing was so different, and not at all what I expected to be.
It was especially hard to take everything in. All I saw opened my eyes and inspired me to write more, to give more. But being overwhelmed by the experience made it difficult to actually realize everything that was going on.
Quake
It was not until I sat down the last day to finish all my assignments that I realized what this experience was. Yes, I felt sadness and tons of mixed emotions during the trip, but is a feeling I will not change ever.
Did I have one of the most amazing experiences ever? HELL YEAH! It is a week i will not trade for anything in the world, where I became a better person and a better writer. It is indeed a life-changing experience, and something spontaneous that I am truly glad I did.
If you want to help Love Orphanage and learn more about it, please go here. Please donate and help them build a new house for the kids.
I did it. I clicked the “Post” button on Facebook. It was not about politics or religion. It was not my opinion on a current event or a debate. I, Orly Margulis, shared a post promoting my other blog Jewtina Eats. 
